John,

Did you, by any remotely possible chance, happen to eat the steak
sandwich i had in the fridge? Because if, in some possible universe,
you did partake in the succulent deliciousness which is (i'm sorry,
"which *was*") the remaining half of my Lawry's custom bleu cheese
thin-sliced sirloin special, then i would be forced to kick your ass
so hard you'll be farting out your nose.

Seriously, this isn't cool. You're always eating my food, and i'm
getting sick and tired of it. If you continue to misunderstand
ownership, i'll be forced to educate you.

-Joe